@CroweJam: "I'd hit that if I was drunk." - Me, driving by a mailbox just now.
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@roggyie: When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I just wanna to use my finger & write `"WASH ME"` on her face.
@NikkiGlaser: What if ISIS started claiming responsibility for nice things like when my mom says, "who emptied the dishwasher?!"
@carlyken: How To Tell A Girl Is Mad: 1. She tells you she's mad 2. She tells you she's not mad 3. She sets your stuff on fire 4. She sets you on fire
@JoeBerkowitz: I'd watch Pimp My Ride: One Year Later, a show about people coming to terms with maintaining a fish tank and waffle-maker in a Ford Fiesta.