@CroweJam: "I'd hit that if I was drunk." - Me, driving by a mailbox just now.
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@zacharyflynn: How to get a girl to like you: 1. Become a lion tamer 2. Release a lion on her 3. Tame it right before it kills her 4. Take her to Chili's?
@KKAlThani: My personal trainer told me to listen to my body at the gym so I punched him in the face and went to get some ice cream.
@hoplesslycrazy: I talk a lot of shit for someone who won't sleep with her feet out from under the covers because of the monsters under the bed.