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@WhiteMale: "I'd hit that!" -- me gazing at rock bottom
@LocoBurritoMan: Today I got chased by a thief trying to steal my wallet..
I managed to get away, but he definitely gave me a good run for my money!
@BigHeb7: Free advice: Saying "meaty shaft" in a corporate meeting is like saying bomb on an airplane.
@joshcomers: "Where do you see yourself in 5 lives?" (Dalai Lama job interview)
@OxbloodAbernthy: I've lost more friends to Candy Crush than Crystal Meth.
@foursquids: Can't believe people still say "pot" it's not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now