@richforri: "I'd kill you if I thought I could get away with it".......things that were said to me during my divorce. Hey guy's, she's available!
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@Bratch_Patch: "Friends are a dime a dozen." *pulls out a sack full of dimes* "Sweet, I'll take 32 dozen friends please."
@ProdigyNelson: [date] Her: "Well, the horoscopes pretty much govern my life, I'm a sagittarius, what are you?" Me: *halfway out the door* "Educated."
@BonaFideIntent: ....and that's how I ended up laying on the bedroom floor with a potato stuck in my ass.
@just1fool: I'm gonna insert "comedian" in my bio and have my picture taken on a stage with a microphone in my hand so no one will follow me back.