@sandjoeman: I'd like to apologize to the lady on the bus. I assumed you wanted your hair held back while you ate your banana.
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@robfee: If the ESPN Fantasy Football app were slower and unreliable it would be playing quarterback for the Bears.
@nerdsrockk: When a guy flirts with me I start blushing uncontrollably and I hide. Then I wait for them outside their house wearing a wedding dress.
@sixfootcandy: (first date) Me: *hyperventilating* Him: Don't be nervous. Take a deep breath. Me: Can't. I'm wearing three pairs of Spanx.
@iGreenMonk: Annoucement: At my funeral, all my tweets shall be recited. I will then haunt whomever leaves first, demanding honest feedback for eternity.