@sandjoeman: I'd like to apologize to the lady on the bus. I assumed you wanted your hair held back while you ate your banana.
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@ZaynabHashem2: 2017 whatsapp notification: Linda read your message and texted Morissa and they decided to go to McDonalds without you
@rockymomax: [having sex] Her: HARDER! ME: Divide 110 into two parts so that one will be 150% of the other. What are the 2 numbers? Her: 44&66 HARDER!
@koalaslament: I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they're in the middle of a race.