@YesItsAl: I'd like to be so rich I forgot what country I left my private jet at after a crazy weekend
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@CruisinSoozan: Sometimes I shock myself with the smart shit that comes out of my mouth then other times I try to start the microwave with my debit card PIN
@VerifiedDrunk: If you love someone just tell them. Or get drunk and text them 75 times, that's practically the same thing.
@Underchilde: Unless it’s that scary chick from The Ring, I really don’t care who is in the restroom with me.
@radtoria: [intercom] Please stop putting clown shoes on the sacrificial goat. The ritual is in 3 days & the other cults aren't taking us seriously.