@Mothpete: I'd like to thank my skeletal system for all the support its given me over the years.
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@KalvinMacleod: If you would have told me 20 years ago that I'd be posting stupid jokes on the internet, I would have said what's an internet.
@okimstillhungry: I can't wait for thanksgiving. It's an election year so that means there will be at least 4 fist fights and someone's getting disowned.
@thepunningman: [on deathbed] "Tell my Wif... *cough*" Yes? Tell her what? "Tell my Wifi provider their broadband speeds were moderate at best" [dies]