@Duke1173: I'd like to thank the British for wearing red coats and making it easier to shoot them 238 years ago. We couldn't have done this without you
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@adult_keverage: Wife: Why are you so out of breath? You drove here. Me: Yeah but I was listening to Slayer in the car.
@dreamthievin: "Ducklings are baby ducks," I say as I set the appetizer on the table. "Enjoy your dumplings, Ma'am."
@mikefossey: Guy: I'll pay for my coffee and the guy behind me Me: hi thanks can I get a large coffee with 85 espresso shots
@putyoursisterd1: Before we get too excited about rising follower counts, it's good to remember that people also stop to look at accidents.