@littlekitnerboy: Id like to thank the Walmart cashier for making me feel like big money. I guess you don't see many $20 bills, glad you made sure its legit.
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@TheHeartlessBoy: Congrats to Lindsay Lohan for successfully portraying what happens to mean girls after high school.
@Jtweeters: If you love someone, set them free. If they return... something, something, Justin Bieber's a lesbian.
@mistakentweets: Texting...because men didn't have a hard enough time understanding women before so we had to take away the ability to convey tone.
@WGladstone: "She's got legs. She knows how to use them." "So she's ambulatory then?" "... I guess?" "And is that really all you're looking for?"