@littlekitnerboy: Id like to thank the Walmart cashier for making me feel like big money. I guess you don't see many $20 bills, glad you made sure its legit.
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@thecrabbyhook: My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
@TheToddWilliams: TRUMP: Let's get that Muslim Band going "Band? We thought you said ban" TRUMP: No way, that's harsh. Also, how's that Mexican mall coming?
@Home_Halfway: Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I'm describing him.
@wolfpupy: [david attenborough voice] wolves, also known as nature's best animal, have been cool for hundreds of thousands of years