@13spencer: I'd like to think that my exes see me as "the one who got away," but it's probably more like "the one who got away from the police."
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@cornlog: My son is screaming his head off in his room but there's no way I'm going in there if his monster reports are true.
@Manda_like_wine: I'm only listening outside the bathroom door to make sure you're not touching the decorative hand towels.
@KenJennings: I don't really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids' history textbooks.
@lenadunham: Who, you ask, turns the AC on during a polar vortex? Sociopaths, fascist dictators, my boyfriend.