@weinerdog4life: I'd like you to meet my family, my wife Sharon, my son Carl, and this balloon that follows me around
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@Token_Geezer: The reason the Japanese kill so many whales is because they remind them of Americans
@wolfpupy: "i wouldnt be caught dead" someone throws a net over my dead corpse "gotcha!!" "noooo"
@JonasPolsky: James Bond is the type of top secret spy who announces who he is, then shoots everyone and sets off a bomb while doing absolutely no spying.
@iGreenMonk: No matter how rich or famous you become, when you die, the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.