@drxubair: I'd love to change the world. But I don't think there is a diaper big enough to hold all the shit.
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@JosesLovesYou: [at sheep farm] Me: So how do you get steel wool? Farmer: well, that we get from our metal sheep Me: huh? *sheep walks by with Slayer shirt
@elonjames: "...and I would've won if it weren't for you meddling minorities, women, gays, young people..." - Mitt Romney #ScoobyDooVillain
@novicefather: *writes employment history on arm *writes professional references on thigh *writes email address on neck *adds "resume" to resume