@Sarcasmo718: I'd love to see Jason Statham's face when he finds out you can turn down movie roles.
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@mdob11: Me: [crying so hard I can't breathe] why Waiter: [returning my plate] sorry, I thought you were done
@sploosk: INTERVIEWER: says here you were fired previously? ME: yeah, I tried putting pizza in the copier INTERVIEWER: [excitedly] did… did it work?
@saucy_peaches: Why are you so pissed? You asked me what turns me on and all I said was you not talking...
@thenatewolf: God: why don't we text anymore? Me: you know why God: I can't just give everyone a Sega whenever they ask. That's not how it works Me: k