@s_cLaN07: I'd pay someone to push me out of pictures when I'm drunk.
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@PAT_E_ROCK: The water drought in California is so bad, that someone broke into my cousins house and stole his waterbed.
@stephenjmolloy: [Gameshow] Host: "You are one question away from our grand prize. How do you feel?" Me: "With my hands." Host: "Correct!" *crowd goes nuts*
@audipenny: Do you think the rattlesnake is ever embarrassed that he has a stupid baby toy at the end of his string body