@Sean_Burgundy_: I'd probably have more friends if I didn't answer every call with "Why did you save my number?"
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@kelkulus: If I were Obama, I'd totally lead with "My fellow Americans, the situation looks popeless." #SOTU
@sarcasticmommy4: If you think you're having a bad day, the lady who took my order in the drive-thru asked me if my order was to go.
@NotJPo: I just ate so much Chinese food that now I'm able to use algorithms based on linear algebra to solve large numerical systems.
@SeanEmeny: Being a fat guy at McDonald's is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business