@Truculent67: I'd rather be an outlaw than an in-law.
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@mrjohndarby: Dr: Does it hurt when I do this? Me: Yes, a bit Dr: And now? Me: Yes, that's very painful. Please stop showing me photos of you and my ex
@brennadine: "NO YOU'RE DRUNK," she says playfully into the mirror, then promptly resumes disappointing her boyfriend's mom at family dinner.
@Lexiedeadpool: That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
@Xalqee: You know you're an Alcoholic when you can't even say the word "sober" without making air quotes