@Kim_pulsive: I'd rather be hit in the face with a shit-filled sock than to ever attempt helping my parents install a DVD player over the phone again
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@Brianhopecomedy: I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she'll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
@DadandBuried: My son can now reach the light switches so don't come over my house unless you're really into raves or want to have a seizure.
@Sickayduh: "Dude, what's with the outfit?" "Bruh, I got a job as a bouncer" *hops away in kangaroo costume*