@kirbys4losers: I'd rather be with a man who blows his load too soon rather than starts singing too soon in a song. How embarrassing for both of us.
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@Storminika: My friend just broke up with her man. I really helped her through the break up by letting her know he's no good in bed anyway.
@SomeChrisTweets: Foal me once, I have a baby horse. Foal me twice, no one needs this many baby horses. Foal me thrice, please stop. I have no room for them.
@Teowulf: When people post sad things on Facebook I just want to hug them and whisper softly in their ears, "no one cares."