@Real_Countress: I'd rather everyone think I had a serious cocaine problem then them know I just finished a bag of powdered donuts to myself
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@MissBamantha: A Haiku For My Salad: I do not like you You will never be grilled cheese You make my mouth sad
@beefman138: A coworker just told me that "it is what it is" and I have never felt so enlightened.
@sarcasm_inc: [interview after losing a fight] "What happened out there?" I dont kn-OMG WHAT IS THAT *interviewer doesnt look* Ugh didnt work on u either
@KentWGraham: All it takes is a “food dreadful, service poor” Yelp review to get your mother-in-law to stop inviting you to Sunday dinner.