@gazg74: I'd totally shake what my momma gave me but abandonment issues aren't really a tangible physical manifestation.....
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@cbdoubleu: Not to brag, but I have the high score on 7 different blood pressure machines around the city. *enters initials
@Karate_Horse: my child is amazed when the “shelf elf” is in a different location every morning! duh, I placed it there! except for Wednesday I did not do that, I am completely freaking out
@NOTVIKING: “always save your grocery bags,” my parents told me. “you never know when you might need them.” i now have thousands of bags. it is an ever-growing mass that cannot be stopped. at this point i don’t have any room for food so i must eat the bags. they become angry.
@Prince_Smarming: Imagine my surprise when I found out "restraining order" did not mean she wanted me to tie her up.