@JoeBerkowitz: I'd watch Pimp My Ride: One Year Later, a show about people coming to terms with maintaining a fish tank and waffle-maker in a Ford Fiesta.
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@Jenny4ashley: Who cares if you break a damn mirror. If you think 7 years of bad luck is hell, try breaking a condom.
@dafloydsta: [job interview] "What would you say is your greatest strength? I'm pretty humble. Actually, I'm incredibly humble. Amaaaaazingly humble.
@bakedbrotatoes: -This is my son Michelangelo. -Oh, like the artist. -Um no like the Ninja Turtle.
@JediGigi: I just tried to start my car with my phone. You should know that my car has a keyless ignition. I'm pretty.