@TastyTuneTweets: Idea: ATM that sends you encouraging messages like "You Can Do it" or "Ramen Noodles Aren't So Bad" when you check your sad Account Balance
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@Donna_McCoy: Not to brag, but according to my husband I can help with any home improvement project by getting the hell out of the way.
@preritpathak: Therapist: Problem? Me: I always quote Eminem lyrics. T: Explain? M: I can't tell you what it really is,I can only tell u what it feels like
@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, can you tell me a bedtime story? Me: Sure, once upon a time your mom & I used to get enough sleep. Then you came. The end.