@MariyaAlexander: Idea: Breathalyzer tests at the airport, to make sure you're drunk enough
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@Dani_Feld: Me: I wish for a lightsaber. Genie: Be realistic. Me: Ok, I wish for a boyfriend. Genie: Would you like your lightsaber in blue or green?
@daemonic3: [having heart attack] HELP...CAN'T...MOVE ME: Dude, are you ok?! [faintly] CALL...ME...A...DOCTOR ME: Oh, sorry!! Doctor, are you ok?!
@pleatedjeans: [angrily holding cookie under milk for way too long] Yo whatcha doin bro? [looks him dead in the eye] practicing for you
@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is being chased by a pug. he jumps in a taxi and escapes. he breathes a sigh of relief. the driver turns around. it's the pug