@victt0ri: Idea for an app:
it's basically Tinder, but for people that want to fight
@ClichedOut: LIBRARIAN: yes over there
ME: do u have any books on time travel
@yonewt: My wife's signature move is asking me a question then turning on the faucet when I answer.
@better_off_dad: 12: I hate school.
Me: Hey! Perk up! Years from now you'll look back on this as the best time of your life!
12: Now you're just being mean
@DomesticGoddss: Who knew 20yrs after Debate class I'd apply those skills to present arguments to 7yo on why pasta shapes don't change the taste of pasta.
@Gilmatic: *nose hairs growing out of control
*buys tiny scissors
*jam them in the eyes of whoever I catch staring at my nose hairs