@PaperWash: idea for haunted house: dimly lit grocery store sprinkled with people you haven't talked to since high school
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@EndhooS: [1st day at Subway] Boss: u said u'd done this before Me: [painting myself in marinara sauce] I'm really more of an abstract sandwich artist
@mayamanion: My 42 yr old friend is dating a 24 yo guy, she caught him cheating so she took away his play station for a week
@nimble__nick: *At the pearly gates* St Peter: Welcome to heaven. I'll show you around. Me: Sooo many oysters must've died to make this gate.
@TheCatWhisprer: Sometimes a man has needs that can't be fulfilled in the home. [goes to animal shelter and pets all the cats]