@PaperWash: idea for haunted house: dimly lit grocery store sprinkled with people you haven't talked to since high school
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@sfreeze6: My resume is just an old VHS tape of the "Life Goes On" episode where Corky lip syncs "Fight the Power" for his school's talent show.
@BlindVigil: Q: "How long were you at your last job?" A: "Seven-and-a-half inches... same as now"
@NurseSeymour: Heard my ex tell one of his friends I was a stalker. Almost made me mad enough to come out of his closet and give him a piece of my mind.
@GreatestWeight: I can't come into work. I opened a cursed sarcophagus and now I gotta put a pharaoh's soul to rest. I DUNNO, TAD, I'LL PROBABLY BE IN MONDAY