@CalebTenenbaum: If a 99lb girl eats a 1lb plate of nachos is she technically 1% nachos? I think I'm on to something...
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@vineyille: Rob thank god you picked up! Hey remember when you said if I needed a place to crash I cou- hold on *to copilot* STOP CRYING, ROB WILL HELP
@LurkAtHomeMom: Hell hath no fury like a 4 year old whose sandwich has been cut into squares when he wanted triangles.
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: Don't be scared of him. Tell your boss you quit. ME: Ok, I will. [later that day] ME: I quit BOSS: WHAT?? ME: I said, nice squid
@Pirate_nurse: I am meeting my twitter crush in a few days and I have officially added "Please let me wind up in a trunk and not a freezer" In my prayers