@CalebTenenbaum: If a 99lb girl eats a 1lb plate of nachos is she technically 1% nachos? I think I'm on to something...
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@EtobicokeErnie: The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance of not going to work tomorrow. Tequila gives you a 1 in 3 chance.
@jngraphs: Wife: Where are you going? Me: Out. I can't stand being hemmed in by four walls. Wife: How many walls has the pub got? Five?
@justabloodygame: *Doorbell rings* *it's a regular kid* "Trick or treat!" ...and what are you supposed to be? *removes face, revealing an unending void* ＨＵＭＡＮ