@briangaar: If a bear attacks you, play dead. Ok good, you're about to feel like this forever
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@huntigula: Pacman: I feel like a woman trapped in a man's body! I want the procedure, doc. Dr.: Very well. Just relax.. *puts bow on Pacman's head
@mjkspeaks: [on phone with attorney] HIM: you're being charged for murder. ME: damn that sounds expensive i guess you can just put it on my Amex
@OctopusCavemann: I’ll bet Waldo owed some people money. You don’t get that good at hiding for no reason.
@madcaplaughs30: The first guy to skip a rock was probably all sad and just trying to toss the rock in the pond and was like "well, can't even do that right"