@Sassafrantz: If a bear tries to attack you in the woods, give it your bicycle. Maybe it's one of those circus bears, you never know.
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@TheCiscoKidder: Choose your pet name wisely because you'll be yelling it out in your neighborhood if you lose them. *uses falsetto voice* MR. SMOOCHES!!
@msdanifernandez: Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
@pleatedjeans: [spider confronting me] him: yo did you steal my coat? me: [wearing 8-sleeved coat] no this is mine
@LeviathanPride: Hurricanes, famine, disease, war crimes, child molestation, political corruption. And Jesus appears to mankind on a slice of toast.