@Tormny_Pickeals: if a bee sting u, u get a lil pain but the bee dies so who really wins? "lol im OWNING all these bees" i say as i put my face in the beehive
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@HeyZeus666: My grandfather said he'd never be caught dead wearing cargo pants, so I slipped the funeral director an extra 50 bucks. And now we wait.
@OfficialMizGin: My mom when I was a kid: “Never talk to strangers.” “Never get in their cars.” Me to my future kids: “Here’s how to order an Uber.”
@McGrumpenstein: Noah, surrounded by a million pieces & trying to make sense of his IKEA Arke pictogram instructions, feels the first drop of rain. Shit.
@blondecalamity: Someone should have warned me, that when you have kids, they talk to you, like, ALL. THE. TIME.