@tigersgoroooar: If a boy put rose petals all over my bed I’d be like you’re cleaning this up I’m not cleaning this up
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@lacybronze1: I'm surprised more killers haven't lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
@thestlouisan: A movie about a surfer vs. a shark but instead of going back into the water & fighting the shark & dying, she finds somewhere else to surf.
@david8hughes: [board meeting] "So Mr Parachute do u have a name for your invention?" "I call it the 'Makes the Ground Come at You a Bit Slower'." "Uh no."
@theshantilly: 7: We should probably sell our pets before they get old and die. I guess I know which of my kids is NOT getting power of attorney.