@StellaRtwot: If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
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@brunopieroni: "Ok, guys, before you start calling me a pervert, let me just say I found a great source of protein." — The first guy who ever milked a cow.
@Adar79Angie: Dude, I'd love to go out with you, but this one person 80s dance party in my living room isn't going to host itself.
@KeetPotato: [tour of zoo] kid: "i think its a elephant" me: "are you giving the tour" kid: me: "anyway as i was saying this is the big snake face thing"
@hazelmotes1: Having daughters is great if you want to get yelled at every time you hit a butterfly with your car.