@StellaRtwot: If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
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@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: I told you to slow down. Cop: License & registration, please. Wife (opens glovebox): Divorce papers? Me: Look underneath them.
@pinningnut: N: Why are you picking up rocks? M: I'm starting a rock band. Neighbor walks away. That is how you get people to leave you alone.
@sageboggs: I'm glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It's really come in handy this parallelogram season