@MaritalFauxPas: If a cannibal kills me he better have the right kind of Zip-loc bags! If I get tossed out because of freezer burn I'm going to be pissed!
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@DanOverHere: -Boss: "Send me one of your funny tweets" -Me: "I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later" -Boss: "Hahaha! Send me another one."
@SuperApple8: If Ryan Gosling doesn't ask me to be his valentine, I'm moving on. This ship has sailed. This ball has sunk. This fart has flatulated.
@themiltron: PERSON WHO JUST INVENTED WINDOWS: Check it out. PERSON WHO’S ABOUT TO INVENT CURTAINS: I hate it.