@MaritalFauxPas: If a cannibal kills me he better have the right kind of Zip-loc bags! If I get tossed out because of freezer burn I'm going to be pissed!
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@Nickadoo: Hey Starbucks. If you gotta name your drinks with stupid language, don't roll your eyes when I order a gitchy gitchy yaya mocha choca latte.
@iamspacegirl: [Biblical Times] God: oh shit Angel: what? God: I just realized I've been leaning on the frog button.
@Book_Krazy: Me: Hi. I can't take your call right now but please leave a message. CW: I'm standing right in front of yo... Me: BEEEEEEEEEEEEP
@ItsAndyRyan: "Everyone has at least one novel inside them" – Baffled airport security rectal examiner at the end of a long, confusing shift