@jeffreyvanclea1: if a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ..i just get in the back seat
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@turtledumplin: Cashier: would u like a bag? Me: no I'll just carry the economy box of pads & Midol out so whoever thinks of kidnapping me will think twice
@KevinFarzad: It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they're like, "thank you for choosing Domino's."
@haveigotnews: Apple announces iPhone bug that allows it to be hacked with a single click, in a 'more intuitive and natural way than an Android bug'.
@RamblingMachine: Too many TV ads about how you can remove blood stains off clothes with detergents & none about how you can hide the body? Where's the logic?