@GrantTanaka: If a cop yells at you to GET DOWN just start twerking cause damn, dude, be more specific
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@gonzohostility: Said she was gonna send a pic of her "backyard' . Turns out we weren't on the same page
@Doublelife64: Me to 4 yr old niece: your shoes are on the wrong feet Niece looks down and says: I don't have any other feet Outsmarted again.
@SamuelHLowe: - Do you take a shower after having sex? - Yes, of course. - Well, how about getting laid a little more often.
@HavocMantis: God: "Adam looks kind of lonely down there. What should I do?" Frog: "ribbit" God: "haha, alright man"