@GrantTanaka: If a cop yells at you to GET DOWN just start twerking cause damn, dude, be more specific
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@Papa_Mex: I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk?...my apocolypse plans depend on it....thanks!
@DouchyDocLove: Wife just changed her Facebook status to "It's complicated." Better go see what she wants.
@DanTaylorAuthor: Me: *throws banana and waits for it to return, boomerang style* that's the last time I ever believe anything I read on Yahoo Answers...
@daemonic3: [grocery shopping] "Actually it should be 15 items or FEWER" I'll fix that sir [grabs mic] CUSTOMER NEEDS HELP FINDING EXTRA SMALL CONDOMS