@longwall26: If a deadly alligator appears in the instant after you tell your friends you'll see them later there is literally no way to warn them
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@jackiembouvier: Well, Jesus, now all Samsung's competitors have to say is "we won't blow up in your pocket and set you ablaze!"
@SoVeryBritish: Having to hide your euphoria when a friend says "I'm going to have to cancel tonight"
@nbadag: THERAPIST: you're running from something. what do u think it might be? [goose outside the window does throat-slitting motion] ME: uh—failure