@DothTheDoth: If a demon ever tried to possess me my first thought would be: enjoy that debilitating anxiety my dude.
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@XLCadillac: [job interview] “Why should I hire you?” “Because I have pictures of you with a goat?”
@Lisabug74: My mom sometimes texts me pictures of Buddha with an inspirational text like: "Be kind to others, Evil Lisa"
@davedittell: UNICORN: I love the forest! I love my horn! Life is wonderf— [Pegasus flies over chased by babes] UNICORN: God why have you forsaken me
@pleatedjeans: Me: we're throwing a surprise party for Tim Wife: don't you hate Tim? Me: [filling balloons with bees] yes