@omgthatspunny: If a dog has puppies in a public place, can they be arrested for littering?
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@Carbosly: Did you know pigs have orgasms that last 30 minutes? This is God thanking them for bacon.
@glenna_opt: we all had to sign a card for a coworker thats retiring and i just wrote "please take me with you" in it
@BooFricketyHoo: I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit's door.
@TheWoodenslurpy: It sucks when something bad happens to someone you hate. Nobody will let you gloat. It’s like you can’t even enjoy your own joy.