@ineedaballrub: If a duckling is a baby duck, I don't want to eat dumplings.
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@AbrasiveGhost: GOD: [as a kid] DINOSAURS! GOD: [as a teenager] You will know the profound sadness of existence, humans.
@TheSchnizzy: Wife: you're so damn forgetful! M: oh nonsense! W: ok, did you get the cat food? M: WE HAVE A CAT??
@maebemarbles: Not one person is cooler than the pigeon that just walked all the way into this Mexican restaurant, gently picked up a taco chip, and left.