@zachreinert03: If a genie granted me 3 wishes I'd ask for unlimited wishes, then I'd probably take a nap
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@john_vavra: GF: ...I'm pregnant ME: *holding a 10-piece chicken nuggets box that actually has 11 nuggets* I've also got some pretty big news
@Tmoney68: BREAKING: Hobbit director Peter Jackson's next huge undertaking to be 3-part movie series of The Cheesecake Factory menu.
@Iwriteforcats: Jake and the Cat Man: One man solves crime, the other spends the entire show being startled by thunder.
@DaddyJew: I'm at my creepiest when I see a drunk chick crying outside of a bar and just think 'bingo