@zachreinert03: If a genie granted me 3 wishes I'd ask for unlimited wishes, then I'd probably take a nap
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@ZingingCutie: If I end up on life support, feel free to pull the plug.. However, if I'm charging my phone, stay the hell away from the outlet.
@hammbone84: Neighbor: I always see your kids outside but hardly ever see you out there. Me: Oh, that's because my doors lock from the inside.
@ericsshadow: My son ran away again, but it gets worse. He changed the wifi password before he left.