@shkeeber: If a genie grants you 3 wishes, use the first one to make the genie develop short term memory loss, and then keep making 2nd wishes forever.
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@NoticablyBacon: If you see a dentist get shot and hes bleeding out, just casually mention how he needs to floss more so he doesnt bleed out like that
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I'm really into the outdoors type. ME: [trying to impress] I'm homeless.
@WilliamAder: Co-worker playfully snapped my suspenders and now everyone in the office knows my safe word.