@SteveInevitable: If a girl texts you and asks if you think she's fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that's pretty cool.
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@TheRolo: She says she only drinks wine to collect corks for her Pinterest project, which is pretty cool cause it looks like she's building a castle.
@Howiesbookclub: Blood oranges at the farmer's market. What am I, The Lord of War? Peddle your conflict fruit someplace else.
@Rollinintheseat: *Shakespeare resetting his password* "Enter new password." Fortnight "Your password is two weeks."