@omgthatspunny: If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, then expect a long sentence.
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@TheCatWhisprer: I just laid on my cat's keyboard while he was working on a last minute PowerPoint presentation.
@KatieBurnett: Do people who happily announce their pregnancy know they are going to be stuck with a baby afterwards?
@ElgatoEsmio: I TRADED MY ALARM CLOCK FOR A KOALA SO I CAN SLEEP UNTIL HE STARTS BEGGING FOR LEAVES WHICH’S LIKE 3 DAYS
@leducviolet: Scientists have identified the dog particle. It is a good particle. Such a good particle yes it is. Does it want a treatsy weatsy yes it doe