@omgthatspunny: If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, then expect a long sentence.
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@internetluke: "No, no. No! NO!" - guy who invented black ski masks after people started using them for robbing
@jeannes_jargon: Facebook: Essential oils. Snapchat: I'm a bunny! Instagram: I ate a hamburger. Twitter: THIS COUNTRY IS BURNING TO THE GROUND.
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what's your biggest weakness? Dwayne Johnson: *sweating nervously* certainly not paper that's for sure