@DamonHunzeker: If a lion ever bites off your arm, try to chew some of his hair off before you run away. He deserves to look stupid until it grows back.
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@leslid79: 32. Never married. No children. nnI'm the last single friend standing! I win!nn*This message brought to you by whiskey and self loathing.
@WorIdComedy: mom: why is there a Hispanic man climbing our balcony me: he is my romeo & I am his Juliet mom: (._. ) me: I'm just kidding call the cops
@goodhairperson: I've decided I want a sad funeral. None of this upbeat "celebration of life" shit. I want sobbing, ppl vomiting w grief, at least 2 suicides
@NicestHippo: Mario is a game where you save a girl from the terrible fate of hanging with a dude who owns a castle