@DamonHunzeker: If a lion ever bites off your arm, try to chew some of his hair off before you run away. He deserves to look stupid until it grows back.
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@Iwriteforcats: The best part of marriage is when your spouse goes on a diet and you don't have to share your snacks.
@whatmaddness: If you want your friends to stop asking you to work out with them, go once. Show up in leather. Bring your workout cake.
@chopper4jk: When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I'm sure you already know, have a great time!
@matt___nelson: CHINA: how can we fix our economic problems??? GERMANY: how do we reestablish our engineering reputation??? USA: OH MY GOD RAT WITH A PIZZA