@stellarjulez808: If a mad scientist ever clones me, throw a cube of cheese in the air. The faster one is me.
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@JB4Realz: [Reality TV] HOST: Welcome to America's Next Top Psychic! Please, try not to-- *One contestant stands up*: I WON! H: --ruin it.
@calluptome: The next time there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
@ibid78: -Joe's coming over. "Joe from work or Joe who thinks he's the Norse god, Thor?" [the distant sound of thunder makes the guacamole quiver]
@T_Bonezzz: If you're with me when I die, remember 2 things: 1) Do Not Resuscitate 2) Smash Phone on Ground