@BumbleDC: If a malevolent demon is watching you sleep, simply go to Settings > General > Privacy > Malevolent Demon Who Watches You Sleep (Deactivate)
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@Birdhumms: A selfie stick is very useful..... .. as a prod to keep people out of your personal space.
@TheAlexNevil: My first job in retail taught me that the customer is always right. Until they're out of earshot.
@HonestToddler: Toilet won't stop throwing up. I didn't know it was Legos intolerant. SEND HELP THIS IS NOT A DRILL
@iRowlf: Air Bud trembles in fear after the opposing team drapes a basketball jersey over a vacuum cleaner and puts it on their starting lineup.