@TheTweetOfGod: If a man strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other. Then, having shown yourself impregnable to cheek attack, beat the crap out of him.
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@LHGarrett: PHIL COLLINS: Here tonight is the man who inspired my next song, "Fat Shithead Clogged My Toilet." [spotlight tracks me as I head for Exit]
@GFGander: How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face
@theshantilly: Me: How awful do I look? Him: You always look beautiful. Me: Do I need to put makeup on? Him: Maybe just a... *stare* Him: No.
@sammyrhodes: Every time I lose a sock I like to imagine it went to set one of Dobby's house elf friends free.