@zacharyflynn: If a mouse family ever stole my iPhone and used it as a flat screen TV then I'm okay with it as long as they're happy.
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@NicestHippo: We'd love to offer you the job [My phone buzzes] Congrats on your 250★ tweet! ME [leaving]: Lol no thanks I won't be needing to work anymore
@samalmightysam: The world would be a better place if everybody drank alcohol. It would get even better if some of them choked on it.