@TheDinky: If a mugger ever asks me to draw an uppercase cursive Q or he'll shoot, tell my family I died a hero... #hero #cootertales
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@ArfMeasures: WIFE: We'd have less arguments if he wasn't so pedantic THERAPIST [to me] Is that right? ME: No. It should be fewer arguments
@daemonic3: FRIEND: Women want guys who take charge ME: ok [later] WAITER: [to date] Ready to- ME: [shoves waiter and grabs notepad] Ready to order?
@Carbosly: There is no life on earth without water.nBecause without water, there is no coffee.nAnd without coffee, I'll kill you all.