@TheDinky: If a mugger ever asks me to draw an uppercase cursive Q or he'll shoot, tell my family I died a hero... #hero #cootertales
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@caseytduncan: The worst part about getting kidnapped would be when the news told everyone your real height and weight.
@jakob_huber: Ant: I found this book of what humans call us. I'm an ant Dung Beetle: What am I called? Ant: *checks, shuts book* Let's not focus on labels
@beeftweets: I wish corn would teach other foods how to explode into a different food that's 10 times better.
@In_Twittaland: No YOU tried to pet the albino skunk that wandered up from the woods. Related: Never go outside w/out contacts and YES I need a shower.