@OfficialBanks93: If a murderer wanted to lure me out of my room all he'd have to do is turn off my wifi cause sure as shit i'm gonna see why it aint working
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@amazymay72x: Husband: I'll unload the dishwasher for you, honey. Me: No rush. 3 days later.......regrets saying no rush.
@ruinedpicnic: me: [spends $20 on a parody MAGA hat with a subtle change] anyone more than five feet away: oh look that person is a trump supporter
@squirrel74wkgn: If you see a man running down the street tonight, blowing a whistle & wearing a life guard shirt...don't worry, I'm just chasing my dream.