@fleshcake: If a puppy stabbed me in the face and stole my car, I'd still be like, "aww."
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@murrman5: [closes kitchen drawer gently and looks at son] I wasn't here *wife walks in with police officer* "did you take a knife to a job interview"
@KyleMcDowell86: *dog walks into a pet store wearing a fake moustache* "Hello sir or ma'am I would like to lovingly adopt your most delicious cat"
@Miss_Firefly_: My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I'm suspicious that I'm up to something i dont want myself to know about.