@fleshcake: If a puppy stabbed me in the face and stole my car, I'd still be like, "aww."
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@frenchielaboozi: a lady was like "can you believe he's 14 months old already" and i am like you know what i can cause you post a pic of him every single day
@NicestHippo: She ate poison! We have to make her vomit! [everyone looks at me] [i roll my eyes and start getting naked]
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I'm so confused when the TV voice before a show I'm about to watch says, "For mature audiences only." Can I watch or not?