@jenlaw_11: If a server comes to my table and asks 'hows everythin tasting?' mid chew I like to grab their wrist and keep them there until I can answer
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@thepatrickwalsh: Tom Cruise has never starred in a movie where his character description didn't include the word "hotshot."
@AGreaterMonster: If Twitter has taught me anything it's that the best career choice is divorce lawyer.
@sarcasticmommy4: I'm not sure what my husband is planning on doing for me on Mother's Day but I hope it's laundry.